Beneath Your Imperfections
by whiteroses-andmockingjays
Summary: Same old story. Girl meets boy. Girl falls in love with boy. Boy doesn't feel the same way. Girl gets heartbroken. But sometimes the best things can come from the worst things.
1. Prologue

"_Don't go." I pleaded, tears falling down my face. He looked at him, frowning, his eyebrows creased with worry and guilt. No. He shouldn't be the one to feel guilty. He wasn't doing anything bad except for leaving me. _

_ "I'm sorry." He apologized again. He placed his hands on both sides of my face, forcing me to look up at him, and brushed my tears away with the pads of his thumbs. "I have to." I shook my head, my fingers wrapping themselves around his wrists instinctively. _

_ "You don't. You really don't." He nodded and then leaned down, pressing his lips to mine. "Please…" I begged, briefly pulling away from his lips. "Please don't do this. I love you." I was fully aware that I was sobbing. His facial expression turned from being worried to a face full of pain. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest._

_ "I'm sorry. I promised I would never, ever hurt you again. I'm so sorry, love. I'm sorry." I clutched him as tightly as I could, refusing to let him go. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't want to lose him. Not again. _

_ "I have to go." He mumbled sadly, pulling me back and unwrapping my arms from around him. I shook my head quickly. He leans in and kisses the top of my forehead before turning. I reach for his arm, but he is out of my reach. _

_ I watch as he walks away, behind the others. I'm completely unaware of my surroundings until I feel the concrete beneath my knees. I wrap my arms around myself, bending forward, sobbing, and falling apart. One of the most important parts of me is gone. I felt like there was a huge hole in the middle of my chest. Everything moved in slow motion; the people around me hugging their loved ones, crying, and hugging. _

_ Finally, I watched as he walked down the tarmac, climbing the steps to a plane. I watched as a piece of me…left. _


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Bella**

"Alice, please! You need new clothes for the year and I need to go shopping!" I beg my best friend, Alice Cullen, for the hundredth time since we woke up this morning. I spent the night at her house – again. It was the end of summer and we only had about two weeks left before we went back to school and I needed clothes.

Alice has been my best friend since the first day I arrived in Forks, Washington back in the fourth grade. She was the first person to run up to me on the playground and declare us best friends all in the same sentence. It made my first day slightly more bearable. How we became such close friends, I have no clue. We're polar opposites. I love dressing up in dresses and heels, skirts and make-up, Alice on the other hand, would rather wear jeans and sneakers and t-shirts. I mean, I did too, but I never complained when I got the chance to dress up and look nice.

Alice lived with her Mom and Dad, Carlisle and Esme Cullen. She had a brother; Edward. He was only a year older than us, but he treated us like he was five years older than us. He even gave me a nickname the first time I went over Alice's house; "Baby Bell." Esme had laughed at that and stated, "She's not a mini cheese wheel, Edward." The only time he ever called me that was to get on my nerve – which was a lot. Edward had a good amount of friends. He was someone everyone knew, but only a few had the 'luck' of becoming a friend of his. Jacob Black and Emmett McCarty are his best friends. They've all known each other since Kindergarten.

When I came along and became friends with Alice, the three of them took it upon themselves to look after Alice and me. They made sure no one hurt us in school or bothered us. It could be nice, but to me, it got extremely annoying. Edward seemed to be a little…_too _overprotective.

The five of us began to hang out together when I was in sixth grade. We would have Friday night movies and I would usually crash at the Cullens'. Charlie, my Dad, didn't care. He knew the Cullens and he admired Carlisle and Esme, so he didn't complain. Besides, I knew he liked me out of the house because he wasn't home a lot. He _was_ the chief of police.

During movie nights, Edward would sit near me and his arm would rest on the couch behind my head. I would catch him twirling a strand of my brown hair around his finger, and sometimes he would be petting my hair.

"I really don't feel like going, B. Besides, Jasper is going to be here shortly to pick me up. He's taking me to a movie." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned back in her chair. I rolled my eyes. Jasper was Alice's boyfriend. They started dating in sixth grade. I remember her being so excited to tell me that they were official. It was the first time she ever acted completely girly; squealing, blushing, etc.

"So you're going to leave me here with Edward?" I groaned. Edward glanced at me from the corner of his eyes. _Asshole. _

"It'll only be for two hours." She shrugged, watching the TV screen as Edward played some video game, and she bit at her nails.

When Alice left, I sat down on the couch behind Edward, pulling my legs into my chest and watching him play.

We teased each other a lot. I would talk to guys in school, and he would talk with girls. We both knew it got on each other's nerves, but we didn't stop. We never kissed, or had sex. We didn't do that. We wouldn't. We _couldn't. _I didn't want to do that to Alice. Our relationship meant more to me than that. But that didn't stop me from sneaking into his room each night, after Alice was asleep, and sitting on his bed, watching him smoke cigarettes or drink beer on his floor.

I got bored sitting around and watching Edward play videogames, so I left and headed up to Alice's room. I sat down on her bed and flicked on the TV. I flipped through the channels until I settled on Family Guy.

I heard footsteps coming up the steps and then Alice's bedroom door opened. Edward stood in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

"Why'd you leave, Baby Bell?" He crossed the room and sat on the bed next to me.

I shrugged, looking down at my jeans, picking at the strings hanging off the bottom. "I was bored." He leaned in closer to me, placing his hands on my thighs and pulling me closer.

"Do you want me to un-bore you?" I giggled, shaking my head. "What?"

"Un-bore is not a word." He rolled his eyes. He pushed my body down onto Alice's bed and moved in between my legs.

"Well aren't you smart?" He leaned down, pressing his lips to my neck. "We could do it right here. Right now." He whispered. I could smell him; he smelled like cigarettes and mint gum.

I knew he wouldn't do it. He never would with me. He would with other girls. That he doesn't care about. He'll have sex with other girls a lot. It hurts me. I don't like him doing that. It hurts me. He doesn't even kiss me on my lips.

"No." I said sternly. I pushed him off of me. "We're in your sister's room, Edward!" I hissed as he moved his hand up my leg. I smacked his hand away, and he looked at me, frustrated.

"What about our promises, Baby?" He stood up and walked over to Alice's window. He opened it and lit a cigarette. I turned my head away.

"I never promised anything." I mumbled. That was a lie. We made quite a few promises while in his bedroom. We promised we'd never hurt the other and we promised we'd never date anyone. He made an extra effort to annunciate the word _date_ and I knew why. He wanted to fuck around with other girls and not be breaking our promise. He wanted to be able to have sex with someone else but me. He said he wanted me to remain pure. Pure my ass. Since I've been around Alice and the other Cullens I was cussing and drinking. If Charlie ever found out, he'd not only lock me in my room for the rest of my life, he'd also end my life.

"Don't be like that, Baby. I love you, you know that." He tossed the cigarette butt out the window and shut the window, sitting back down next to me and pulling me into his side. I pushed him away with my elbows. "Fine, be like that." He left, stomping down the steps.

_C'mon, Edward! What about promises? _I mentally yelled at him.

I stayed up in Alice's room until she got back from the movies. I could hear her running up the steps. Her face was bright and electric, her green eyes shining brightly. She jumped on the bed and placed her head in my lap. I nonchalantly played with her hair.

"Jasper kissed me!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms and legs up in the air. I giggled at her excitement.

"Was it good?"

She nodded. "It tasted like chocolate and twizzlers and salty popcorn." I cringed, but she shook her head. "It was better than it sounds." We sat in her room watching re-runs of her favorite shows while she went over every little detail about her date with Jasper.

"You know, B. You really need a boyfriend." I shrugged. _If only you knew. _"I'm serious! We're going into eleventh grade! You should have a boyfriend."

I quickly changed the subject. "C'mon! Your Mom promised to take the two of us shopping as soon as you got home." I slapped her legs, pushing her off of me. She groaned, and frowned.

Esme gave Alice her credit card and told us not to go too crazy. Esme was nice. I liked her. Whenever we needed something, she'd give us it right away, no questions asked.

I pulled Alice towards Forever21 as Esme headed to another store.

I searched through the store for a few tops and jeans and then Alice headed over to HotTopic. While she went into the store, I sat on a bench out front.

"Hey you!" I heard behind me. I turned around to see James smiling. I smiled back at him.

"Hey! How are you?!" I reached out and hugged him. He returned the hug and then laughed, pulling away. "I haven't seen you since the last day of school!"

He nodded. "Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "You look different."

"I tanned a lot this summer." I laughed, blushing.

"So there's this party tonight down at First Beach. Do you want to go with me?" I nodded.

"Yeah! Absolutely. That sounds fun!"

"What sounds fun?" Alice asked, suddenly beside me.

"Uh, a party at the beach." James said, looking from me to her. "You can come if you want." He quickly added.

"We'll be there." She winked and pulled me away. I waved to James and he waved back, turning and walking the other way. "He likes you!" Alice sang, gripping my hand tightly.

I shrugged. James was cute. He was tall and he had dirty blonde hair and brown eyes. He was also one of the nicest guys in Forks. I guess I liked him too.

Later that night, I was at Alice's getting ready for the party. I decided on a pair of skinny jeans and a nice top I had bought from Forever21. Alice wore a pair of black skinny jeans, her favorite black vans and Jasper's dark green sweatshirt. Alice continued to talk about her date from earlier with Jasper, while I put my favorite pair of white converse on.

We passed Edward on our way out and he stopped us.

"Move your ass, Edward." Alice demanded.

"Where are you two going?" He looked at me, and then quickly looked back at Alice.

"We're going to a party." I stated, pushing past him.

"Who invited you?" He questioned. I rolled my eyes and Alice groaned.

"James invited Bella and then he invited me. Now can you please stop with the fifty questions, Edward?" Alice whined. He stepped aside, but watched me as we climbed into Carlisle's car.

About thirty minutes later Alice and I were sitting next to Jasper and James on one of a few of the dilapidated logs surrounding a large bonfire. James smiled when he saw me and patted the spot next to him.

"You made it!" I nodded, and he handed me a wine cooler.

"Thanks." He nodded.

We sat around the fire for a bit and listened to some kids tell a story about a party they went to. I mostly ignored them and chattered with Alice. Jasper and James talked to each other, leaning behind the two of us. I noticed James kept his arm near mine; his pinkie rubbed the top of my hand quite often.

It was soothing. Kind of. But I knew Edward wouldn't like that, but that made it all the more better.

"Do you guys want to go for a walk?" Jasper asked, leaning over towards me and James. He glanced at me, and I nodded, standing up. Jasper took Alice's hand and they walked ahead of us. James lingered back, walking with me.

"So what's up with you and Cullen?" I crossed one arm across my chest, gripping my other arm that still held my wine cooler. I shrugged.

"Nothing, really. Why?" I shivered, the cold from the beach blowing in.

"I don't know, he just seems…protective of you." James rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well I'm his baby sister's best friend." He shook his head, not falling for it.

"He seems protective of you…almost like he has feelings for you." He shoved his hands in his pockets, shrugging. "I don't know. I might be over-analyzing it all, but he seems to really care for you."

"It's nothing." I assured him.

"So you two aren't dating or anything?" _Dating isn't the word I would use. _

"No." I shook my head. James reached for my hand, and intertwined his fingers through mine. I looked down at our hands and then back up at him. He smiled, his white teeth shining in the darkness of the woods. He was cute, that I had to admit. His hand felt warm and nice in my hand. I liked this. It was nice.

"Please tell me you two aren't fucking each other behind us!" I heard Alice yell back at us. I felt my cheeks burning and I was grateful for the darkness.

"If anything it would be you and Jazz fucking each other silly!" I giggle-yelled back. I pulled James by the hand and ran up towards her. I dropped his hand and jumped on Alice's back, wrapping my arms around her neck and my legs around her waist. She screamed loudly, and I laughed. She unlocked my arms from around her neck and pushed me off her back.

James caught me before I hit the ground and I thanked him, standing up and brushing the bottom of my legs off.

We make our way back to the bonfire after walking around for about thirty more minutes. When we get there, a few people have left, the fire has died down and a few of the girls are tipsy. Some of the guys are smoking.

As we get closer I see Emmett and Rosalie sitting together. I smile. Then I see a familiar head of bronze hair sitting next to Emmett, but leaning over towards Jacob Black, reaching for a bottle. I bit the insides of my cheeks, and let go of James' hand. He looks at me, raising an eyebrow.

"What's wrong?" He asks, reaching for my hand again. I quickly pull it away and shake my head, staring straight ahead at the back of Edward's head. He knows I'm here. He knows.

"I…I can't explain it. Just, it's nothing bad." He frowned but didn't push me any further. We sat down on the log next to Rosalie and we started to chatter happily. I was fully aware of Edward staring at me from across the fire, but I tried not to pay attention to him.

James had his arm wrapped loosely around my waist, and I could just feel Edward glaring at him.

"Look who's here!" Jake yelled, looking over into the darkness. I saw about three girls, all seniors, walking towards the bonfire, holding cigarettes. I rolled my eyes.

One of the girls, the one with a blonde messy bun, walked over to Edward and instantly sat on his lap. He wrapped one arm around her waist and she turned, trying to kiss him but he turned his head. She crossed her arms, frustrated. "Knock it the fuck off, Claire." He hissed, bringing his beer bottle to his lips.

I looked away and focused on talking to James. I twisted our fingers together and leaned against his shoulder.

It was around one-thirty in the morning when everyone was tired (or drunk) and so Alice and I decided to head home. Edward was going home so he gave us a ride. I sat in the back and ignored Edward's glare through the review mirror.

Esme and Carlisle were already asleep when we got back, so we all quietly tip-toed up the steps. Alice was having a hard time walking straight, so I steered her to her bedroom, holding her elbow. She barely missed the doorframe while walking into her room. She hit her elbow and I covered my mouth, trying to muffle my laughter.

She kicked her shoes off and fell on top of her bed and not even two minutes later, she was snoring lightly. I shook my head.

I untied my sneakers and placed them against the wall. Then I changed into a pair of silky shorts and an oversized t-shirt.

My phone started to vibrate on the floor. I quickly ran and grabbed it before it could wake Alice.

_Come here. _Edward texted. I shut my eyelids tightly, squeezing my phone in my hand.

I tip-toed over to Edward's room, opening his door slowly, and creeping in. He was sitting on his window ledge, smoking. He smiled softly when he saw me – he had bags under his eyes. He was tired and it showed in his smile.

"I knew you would come over." He made his way to his bed and he tried to pull me down on top of it with him.

"Don't touch me." I pulled away, crossing my arms over my chest. He frowned.

"Why are you acting like this? I hurt you and I said I'm sorry!" The tiny hole in my chest ripped open slightly more. I gasped, trying to take a slow, calm breath.

"Fuck you." I mumbled, glaring at the floor.

"Bella, please. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what else I can say to make it better. _I am so fucking sorry." _He reached for my hand but I pulled it away. "Why won't you just accept my fucking apology?!" He growled, tugging at his hair, frustrated.

"Because you hurt me, Edward." The tears started to pool up in my eyes. "You fucking hurt me and you're still trying to control me!" I felt warmth dripping down my cheeks. "I _hate _you." I tried to hit him, but he grabbed my wrist, shaking his head.

"No. No you don't."

"I should. I should really fucking hate you right now." I cried. He pulled me down into his chest, wrapping his arms around me and holding me tightly. I shouldn't be here. Not in this room, not in this house, not near Edward. It hurt too much.

"I promise I will never hurt you again. I fucking promise, B." He whispered, pressing his lips to the corner of my mouth.

Promises; they're one of the easiest things to break. Edward knew that for a fact.

"You still talk to her." I stated, pushing away from him. He shook his head. "Stop fucking lying!" I yelled at him, pushing myself up onto my feet and away from him. He hushed me, but I ignored him. "I saw you two tonight. She kissed you and you fucking allow her to. You allowed her to sit on your lap."

"You allowed James to hold your hand and your waist." He threw back.

"So you're allowed to mess around with other girls but I can't hang out with _one _guy? The only guy who has been nice to me forever?" I glared at him. "We're not together. You ruined that. That is your fault." I turned and hurried out of the room and into Alice's. I grabbed a pillow from her bed and a blanket and lay next to her. I lay on my side, facing her wall. I shut my eyes and that night plays behind my eyelids.

_"Hey, Black! Do you know where my brother is?" Alice slaps Jake's arm, trying to get his attention over the pounding music and people talking to him. He points down the hall and she stomps towards him – we want to leave. Edward drove us here and we want to leave the party. It's gotten too loud, people are getting too drunk and me and Alice are bored. But I mostly think Alice wants to see Jasper again; he refused to come to this party because of Jacob Black. They got into a fight this year. They'd make up soon, though. Boys always did._

_ I stalk behind Alice and we make it down to a room. Alice bangs on the door until a girl with long blonde hair opens it. Her hair is a mess and she's pulling her blouse down. Edward is right behind her, fixing his pants. My stomach dropped and I felt like throwing up. _

_ Edward stared at me, his face pale. He tried to move his lips, but words failed him. I wanted to kick, punch, hurt him. But I couldn't. Nobody knew that me and him had something. Nobody. I stared at the girl in front of me. I wanted to hurt her as much as Edward. _

_ I clenched my hands into fists._

_ "Edward, we want to leave." Alice stated, looking the blonde up and down. "Who the fuck are you?" She hissed at the girl._

_ "Claire, who are you?" She cocked her hip out to the side._

_ "That is none of your fucking business." Alice snapped, grabbing Edward by the arm. _

_ I folded my arms across my chest, almost holding myself together. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry so fucking much, but I couldn't. Edward looked back at me, frowning; his eyebrows raised._

_ I looked away from him and continued to follow behind Alice. _

_ That night I remember running up to Alice's bedroom and waiting until she fell asleep. I locked myself in her bathroom, turned the faucet on and cried. Edward texted me asking me to come over, but I didn't answer him. Instead, I shut my phone off and tried to hide my sobs as I curled up next to Alice in her bed. _

I don't remember when, but in the middle of the memory, I woke up, my face soaked and my pillow soaked from crying.

* * *

**So this chapter turned out longer than I imagined it would be! I can't promise that the other chapters will be; it all depends upon the content of the chapter and how I feel writing it. **

**But I hope you liked it. Please leave a review below! It would be very helpful! **

**And don't worry, I'll go more into depth with what happened between Bella and Edward before the party.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Bella**

"So what's going on between you and James?" Alice asked, kicking my leg under the lunch table. I looked up from my salad and tilted my head slightly to the side. "Don't play dumb, B! There's something going on between the two of you."

"There's nothing really." There really wasn't. We'd been out a few times and he held my hand and that was really it. I mean…we did kiss, but it was one time and it took me by total surprise. I didn't really want anything serious with James. I liked him, but I didn't like him _that _much.

Alice still didn't look convinced. "You two have been hanging out a lot. And I see the way he looks at you. He's protective of you." She smirked, snapping a carrot in half and biting into one half. I rolled my eyes.

"What are you two talking about?" Jasper asked, sitting down next to Alice with a tray of food. Edward, Emmett and Rose were close behind, all taking a seat around the table. Rose sat down next to me and smiled sweetly.

"Bella won't tell me what's going on between her and her boyfriend." She pouted dramatically. I rolled my eyes, reaching for my soda bottle.

"You have a boyfriend?" Emmett asked, surprised. That was kind of offensive. He saw my face and held his hands up, "No offense." He quickly defended himself causing Rose to punch his arm – hard. Everyone cracked up.

"He's not my _boyfriend_." I looked down at my plate and snuck a quick glance at Edward, who looked like he was paying more attention to his phone than to the conversation. I knew better though. "We're just…good friends." I shrugged, leaning back in my chair.

"Whatever." Alice smirked and shook her head. I stood up and headed to the trash can, placing my empty tray on top of the trash. I pulled my shoulder straps on over my shoulders and headed out into the hall. "Is there a reason why you're following me, Edward?" I stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned around, facing him and taking him by surprise.

"How'd you know I was following you?" He asked, seeming surprised.

"Does it really matter? Why are you following me?" He shrugged, looking at the ground. I heard snickers behind us and I moved to the side to allow a small group of freshmen by. Edward leaned against the lockers and stared at me. He wasn't his usual smug self, which was incredibly odd and made me worry. Suddenly I understood. "You're _jealous_." I crossed my arms, a smug smile playing at my lips. "You're jealous that I might be dating James." I couldn't help but start laughing.

He scoffed once and shook his head, glaring. "I'm not jealous. I don't get jealous."

"You definitely are jealous!" The comment accusation came out a little louder than I wanted and I saw Edward flinch. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the main entrance. "Where are we going?" I demanded, trying to pull back from his grip.

"To talk about this somewhere more private." He seethed. He pulled me through the front doors and towards his car. He opened the passenger door for me and I rolled my eyes, climbing in reluctantly. He got in the driver's side and reached into his side pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. I scoffed, turning my face towards the window.

"What?" He lit his cigarette, took a puff and then blew the smoke out the window.

"That's disgusting." I shook my head, biting the pad of my thumb. He rolled his eyes, tossing the barely-started cigarette out the window.

"Happy?" He rubbed his hands on his thighs, and turned his front to me, leaning his back against the window.

"So what was so important that you had to drag me out of the school to talk to me about?" I was pretty sure Alice and everyone would put two and two together and realize that Edward and I both had not returned for the remainder of lunch and that we both had left the cafeteria around the same time.

He shrugged. "I have nothing to talk about. And you didn't have to follow me." He quirked an eyebrow at me, daring me to argue with him.

"Uh yeah, you do! You're jealous of me and James." I was getting frustrated with him. Why the fuck couldn't he just say he was jealous and get this whole ordeal over with? _Boys…always were wanting to be right. _"And uh, yeah, I apparently did have to follow you because you wouldn't let my fucking arm go."

He laughed. "I'm not jealous." He leaned forward, as if that would prove his point. "I told you before – I don't get jealous."

"Then why are you so worried about what my status is with James?" I questioned, unconsciously leaning forward. Our faces were inches apart and I could feel his warm breath on my face. He smelled of smoke, mint, and some cologne.

"Because he's not good for you, Bella."

"Oh and how would you know what's good for me?" I glowered at him, my nose scrunching in irritation.

"Because I just do." He leaned forward more and I glanced down at his lips and then back up at him.

"You're so annoying!" I groaned, pushing myself back away from him. He reached for my wrist and pulled me forward, back towards him. "Stop it." I tried to pull my wrist away, but he just shook his head.

His lips were suddenly on mine and his hands were wrapped around my wrists like iron shackles. This felt entirely wrong. But wrong in a good way.

I _wanted _him to kiss me and I didn't want him to stop. I shouldn't want this. Not after what he did to me. Not after everything he's put me through. This should be the very last thing that I want from him. But it's not. I love the feeling of his lips – soft yet firm, warm and soothing – against mine and I loved the feeling that was currently in the pit of my stomach. I've missed this feeling. Time and time again, I have waited to have this feeling with someone other than Edward; but I never could.

My hands were suddenly on each side of his face, and I was trying to move closer to him, but the car was not allowing that to happen. He sat back in his seat and pulled me over towards him, allowing me to straddle his waist. His hands rested on my waist and my hands went to his unruly hair, clutching it tightly.

His mouth was firm on mine and his tongue seeked entry into my mouth. He groaned as he moved his hands up from my waist towards my breasts. He gripped them through my shirt and a small gasp fell from my lips.

I felt him smirk against my lips and I felt something…hard near my inner thigh.

The steering wheel was digging into my back, so I shifted myself, moving closer to Edward. He removed his hands from my breasts, and wrapped one arm around my waist and the other twisted through the hair at the nape of my neck. I grinded myself against him and moaned against his lips.

"Fucking jeans." Edward hissed, lifting his hips up against my center. I had to agree – this was extremely difficult to do with jeans on _and _with the limited amount of space the car allowed us to have.

I pushed back from Edward, the small of my back hitting the bottom of the steering wheel. "We need to stop." I tried to calm my breathing.

"Soon." He leaned forward to kiss my throat, but I pushed him back again. I shook my head, biting the inside of my cheek.

"No, now. I – I can't do this!" I climbed off of his lap, and moved back to the passenger's seat. I pulled my legs up into my chest and ran my hands through my hair, gripping the roots.

"Fuck, Bella." He grabbed at his hair and leaned back against the seat. "What the fuck do you see in James?" He was suddenly angry, his knee bouncing up and down wildly.

"Why the fuck do you care?" I shot back.

"Because I care for you. Jesus Christ, how fucking blind are you?" I gripped the door handle, ready to bolt at any moment. Cared about me? He had a real funny way of fucking showing me.

"You don't care for me, Edward. If you did, you wouldn't have hurt me." I got out of the car, slamming his door shut.

I was such a fucking idiot! How could I let myself get carried away with him?! I was just hurting myself so much more.

I didn't want to go back to class and face Alice's questions as to where I'd been. I just wanted to go home, where Charlie would fortunately be at work, and I could just stay home by myself and try as hard as possible not to tear myself apart for kissing Edward.

I climbed into my truck and started it up sending a quick text to Alice to let her know I'd gone home because I felt sick.

I was hoping that nobody would notice me on my drive home and call Charlie. Charlie was lenient when it came to me because I never really did anything to cause him to set strict rules in place, but ditching school was a huge no for him and if he caught me skipping, I wouldn't see daylight for at least the next twenty years.

When I got home, I ran inside the house trying to avoid being noticed by any neighbors. I slammed the door shut and took the stairs two at a time. I threw my book bag down on the floor and collapsed face first on my bed, shoving my face into my pillow. I took a deep breath and screamed into the confines of the pillow.

How the fuck could I be so fucking stupid?! Edward hurt me and I let him into my heart again. This wasn't right. I hated it. I wanted to erase the past hour and a half from my mind – like it was an etch a sketch. I just wanted to shake it from me and not remember anything.

I called up James and he answered on the third ring. I asked him to come over for a bit while Charlie was at work and he agreed, promising he'd be over as soon as he could. I went up into my room and changed out of my school clothes and into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

When I got back downstairs, there was a knock at the door. I opened it and managed to smile, seeing James standing in the doorway. He smiled back and his eyes shined, matching his smile perfectly. "Hi." He said, shoving his hands in his pockets. The motion reminded me of Edward and I started to think about what happened earlier.

"Can I come in?" He asked, suddenly breaking me from my daydream. I nodded, stepping aside. I walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, crossing my legs underneath myself. James sat down next to me, placing his hand on my leg. I unintentionally let out a sigh and he quickly pulled his hand away as if something had scared him. "Are you okay?" 

"Um yeah. Everything's fine, why?" He shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand – something Edward did quite often. _Fucking stop it! _

"You just seem out of it. I mean, I know that you're still supposed to be in class right now and you're just not you today." He moved his arm to rest on the back of the couch.

"I'm fine just…tired." I shrugged, pulling at the strings on my sweatpants.

"Come here." He reached for my hand and pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against his side.

As comforting as this was, his arms weren't the arms that I wanted wrapped around me. I wanted another pair of arms comforting me. I want another pair of arms tracing circles on my bare arm. I shouldn't want this – I shouldn't want _Edward's _arms wrapped around me; especially not after what he did to me. He hurt me and he broke his promises. I hated him for it but I missed him.

I gently shimmied out of James' arms and I heard him sigh. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees and his pointer finger and thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry – I really am. I just…it's too intimate for me." I rubbed my arm, looking at my sweatpants.

"_Too intimate_? Do you not like me?" He sounded frustrated and I felt bad.

"No! I do like you, James! It's just…"

"You don't want to date me." The sad part was that it wasn't a question. I shook my head, biting down on my bottom lip.

"I'm sorry, I really am. I just…I don't want to be in a relationship with someone right now." He looked at the floor, rubbing the back of his neck. I pinched my thigh for being so stupid and leading him on. It was my fault he was acting like this. I was the jerk who led him on and made him think I was into him.

"It's because of him, isn't it?" He questioned. I didn't even have to ask because I knew instantly who he was talking about and I hated that he was right. I hated that he knew why I couldn't do this. How long has he known? "It's Edward's fault, isn't it?"


End file.
